wha' happen?

in the words of boys 2 men, it's so hard to say goodbye...

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 04:03:40 GMT

welp...

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=35558833

that's my new myspace page. i have to confess, my space is way cooler than livejournal. andrea, maddie, rachel, michelle - please join it! i will still live vicariously through your lj's, but i think i'm switching my journaling to the myspace blog.

but if you check out my myspace blog, you will see an open invite to a very fun party....

girls, holla if you hear me...

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 03:48:00 GMT

you know that desperate search for tampons? it happens like every third or so period. i find a big box of tampons will last about 2 periods, and so it always seems like there ends up being the period where the tampon box is empty and you are desperately digging through your apartment looking for tampons you may have haphazardly left somewhere.

this happened to me last ngiht and this monring... luckily, i at one point thought it wise to put some tampons in the old flower pot that i use to hold the remote controls. i also had some in my chapstick bowl and in a candy dish with some leftover hard candy from christmas. previous raids have led to other successful tampon find in old purses, my pencil tray in the desk drawer, and even the silverware drawer in the kitchen.

and in the universe's divine providence, there always seem to be just enough hidden tampons to carry me the distance between the present moment and whenever i can squeeze in time to make it to walgreen's.

thanks be to god.

ps. i might get to meet bill gate and warren buffett this summer. i LOVE my new summer job. but i already miss camp. booo...

lessons from my kids

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 01:33:46 GMT

we were studying fact and opinion, and for an exercise, i had each kid write a sentence that state an opinion. that was the only guideline. here are the responses.

i think baby blue is the most beautiful color.
i think lavender purple is the most beautiful color for a wedding.
i hate the magic johnson movie theater
i think that oprah winfrey would make a great president
i believe that our planet is no the only planet that supports life. there
are other galaxies.
you should be able to get a driver's license at 15.
basketball is the greatest sport ever.
football is the best sport ever.
my belief is that peopole should start caring about other people and
christianity. we need to start believing and start having great beliefs.
pie is the best food in the world.
i hate the georgia dome
i believe that the crct [standardized test] rule for passing math and
language arts should not be there bcause people learn different and
8.5 is just making it worse.
evolution is not an opinion.
i believe that black is a beautiful color.
i think pink looks cute on light skinned people
some teachers and administrators are too overrated about stupid rules.
i believe that students should have more choices when it comes to
education.
my opinion is that all dogs go to heaven.
i believe religion should be talked about in school.
i believe that red is the best color.
Pres. Bush is messing the US up.

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 03:03:51 GMT

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	my entire diet	i think this would best be explained by reviewing the contents of my refrigerator. old eggs, random yogurts, poptarts, bisquick mix, juice, old milk, pickles, various salad dressings, old hummus, butter, oregano, mustard, mayo, Kix, a few pieces of bacon, baking powder, brown sugar, and aloe body lotion (not edible). (i have to keep dry goods in there to protect me from bernie's relatives) does that sound like anything you can make a meal out of? i eat as one who can't be bothered to care about food, and though it isn't a guilty pleasure, it makes me feel very guilty that my dinner tonight was a hard boiled egg dipped in mustard and mayo.
Literary:	the j crew catalogue?	this survey makes me realize different forms of guilt. now i feel guilty because all i ever read is student work (and by read, i mean glance over at mach speed and splash a 'check plus' on top.) and email.
Audiovisual:	golden girls, and lately, 'the office'	keep in mind, i only feel guilty about the office because i cancel plans with friends to stay home and watch it. Jim! Let me have your babies!!!
Musical:	Ace of Base	She leads a lonely life.... ooo, she leads a lonely life. those swedes are vair vair wise
Celebrity:	shameless supporter of hugh and jennifer aniston...	what's to explain. hugh is hot and jen is my best friend. or at least she would be if she'd just agree to meet for coffee or something... oh, and christ martin and gwenyth paltrow are my favorite couple of all time. my birthday cake even said, 'happy birthday, gwenyth"

Now I tag:-

idontfeel likelookingup anyofmylj friendspages and [Bad username: sosorrynotagging]

to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE.

so. school latelt? total nightmare. LOTS of sex going on in the building - not me of course. i'm talk the good old fashioned horny 14 year old kind. you know, tucked away in the corner of the bathroom somewhere.

miriam's recital was great - pity the fool who didn't go! my trip to michigna was brief and packed, but just enough to get me through to spring break. leaving michigan gets harder and harder. what a good place to have grow up in.

bought a ticket for seattle for spring break. looking forward to 5 hours on the plane since it will probably be the first time i get to just be still and relax for a while - prolly since the last time i was on a plane.

and somewhat successfully gone on two date with rob, the bearded seminarian. not sure where it's going, if i want it be going or if he wants it go be going. i do know i want the beard to be going FAR away. i can't imagine being attracted to anyone that has a beard like my dad. sick. but the bearded wonder is clever and funny and assumedly a man of god. beggars can't be choosers.

very tired. going to bed soon. good night

things to remember

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 23:12:53 GMT

i don't want to forget these things, the things that make my life know such a wierd and comic existence.

the art teacher came into the lounge the other day and drew a football for the gym teacher. ms. hill, the pe teacher, said "man! this is great! it would have taken me forever to draw this!"

and ms. nesby says "yeah but i was always picked last for sports. i was always second to last. when i'd get up to the plate, there was monica bennett out in the outfield, 7 months pregnant, yelling "easy out! easy out!" and i just said, hey, i can think of worse things."

you have to know ms. nesby to really get it. i almost died in the teacher's lounge.

last week, my kids took a practice CRCT (standardized test in georgia) and i had them write a little "ask ms. lee" section at the bottom of the test. they could write questions they came up with during the test so i could teach them that later. ejarius fills up his "ask ms. lee" section with "why am i so sexy? why is your first name dana? why am i the hottest guy around?"

and just for fun, i had a girl actually leave class, go to the bathroom, and change into gym clothes so she'd be better prepared for a fight. that was new.

so i have a chance to work at a high school in atlanta next year... i'd be working with a lot of my friends, hot peter for one, and it would be high school. and it would not be harper archer.... which, let's face it, is a sinking ship. hell on ice skates.

what to do.... what to do...

and if i sign an aps contract and break it? yeah. those bastards have me for a thousand bux. sweet!

hmmm

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 05:36:32 GMT

it's 12:10. and i'm about to start cleaning the apartment. and i feel good about that. because it's in my control. i can work for a while and then result - clean apartment. i also did laundry tonight. i closed out the laundromat on a friday night. but it was in my control - i went. i washed. and now, i have clean things.

things not in my control? my crazy and completely dysfunctional school. for example... when teachers don't come to school, and the subs also don't come. and then i have to man a doubel class. or when my principal tries to stop a child who is sprinting down the hallway, and he lamely says "walk, don't run" as the kid flies by. and then i step in front of the kid and put my hand out, stop him, and say "hey. walk." he continues to walk, which would make you think i have control. but no. even though the principal is a lame, he still has the power. he doesn't use it, but regardless, i don't have it. or when you find out girls are giving head in the stairways again, or when a friend of your students gets shot and killed during a card game. i have no control there. i just have to go along.

i am so tired from my job. as soon as the other teachers start coming to work regularly, i am taking a sick day. maybe you might htink that plan is a little rich with irony, but unless you've had to line up 45 horny, hyperactive kids in the cafeteria while the VP blows a whistle in your ear, i beg you not to judge. i haven't had a fake sick day in over two years! and i'm losing it fast. my kids even heard me say 'fuck' today. granted, under my breath. but it was still a first.

my reasons for staying next year seem to be really unsatisfying today. on wednesday, when i was at a tfa dinner to discuss grad school things, they seemed great. but now... in the light of another year, i just don't know why i'm willingly saying 'ok.'

and another thing... how DARE you punish your child by not letting them play in a soccer game? you haven't punished your kids for crap all year - nay, all their LIVES - but now that they are doing something fun, something constructive, NOW you have a way to penalize them. Phew! for a minute there i thought you might have to actually be a parent instead of a glorified babysitter. and by the way, i really LOVE taking your kids home after practice and seeing three cars parked in your driveway. no, it's cool. an hour's commute home for a ten mile drive thanks to carting your kids? no prob. just as long as you don't have to miss Judge Hatchett.

you know, friday night after a piss rotten week of work is NOT a good time to type in the ole' live journal. all this entry needs to launch it into the worst entry ever is a pathetic lament over unrequited love and/or a diatribe against all my coupled friends and their happily in-love state.

president's day.... thank you presidents for being born!!! and thank you dick cheney, because without you, our government would just not be humorous enough.

i mean, come on! shot his buddy in the FACE while QUAIL shooting? they could have at least been like... deer hunting or bears or something. a real man's game. or maybe this is just a clever disguise... maybe cheney was playing 'the most dangerous game'. doesn't he strike you as the type to chase humans for sport?

went to a student film festival last night. tried to be independent, went alone... it was good and the films were great. made me miss school a bit, and i got a free coke. but it did make me feel good about midtown again. the new arts center complex is great.

i got a new stove!!!!! and a new landlord!!! this means that i might not have to move this summer! that means perhaps another vacation this summer, in addition to roadtrip a gogo up to schools. this makes me glad.

it seems i am postponing the cleaning. must go clean. must get control over life. start with the swiffer and then everything else will just fall into place.

oops. sorry dad.

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 00:43:15 GMT

during class, whenever a student's phone goes off, i take it from them and call their parents, saying they have to come get the phone. so this afternoon, my phone went off - i had forgotten to turn it on silent. so jokingly, one of my girls said "hand me your phone ms lee!" so i went along with it. and at the end of class, she said "to be fair, i should really call your parents and make them come get it." so i let the joke go on from there. they went through my phone to call my dad and make him come get my phone....

but i guess i didn't really think it through. i just got this email from my dad...

Hi Dana Jean,

There is a message on my phone at the moment that sounds as though it could either be coming from your school or one of your students. If it isn't you, it is your sister. The message says, "Mr. John, Miss Lee had her phone taken by one of her students and you have to come and git it for her to git it back" or something very close to that, it is hard for me to hear. Then they hang up. Is your cell phone missing? If so, I owuld suggest you go to the police and report what I have told you. Perhaps they can call your phone and pretend to be me in order to find out where to go, then they can take you there to get the phone back and take appropriate action. May be a lost cause as well and you may have to cancel and replace the service. The phone company might be able to help as well. Thought I should let you know in case you thought you misplaced it. It could have been the school office calling to, though I doubt htey would have said I had to come and get it. Then again, it could just be a speach pattern thing.

Let me know what is going on. I don't want ot call the cell and screw up the potential police operation if that is necessary. Be careful. If you think you can get it back, don"t go alone.

Miriam will be coming in this evening for her term break. I will be asking if perhaps it was her phone rather than yours. It is possible form one of her student teaching classes.

Let me know what the stroy is Princess.

Love,

Dad

***

it's all a very good episode of Miami Vice or something....

oh, and some of my students have given themselves wonderful nicknames....

aaron is now A-rection
ejarius is now ejaculate
and verlaine is now virgin.

wooooonderful. and i had just got used to calling ejarius 'erica,' his last nickname....

another day at the office...

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 04:29:32 GMT

from a sentence created by a student to practice direct and indirect objects.

"Derrick will give his Dana a hug."

me: oh, am i yours now?
derrick: i don't know.

****

devynn and heaven were arguing about something in the corner.

me: what are you guys fussing about over there?
devynn: oh we're not fussing. we're dealin'.
me: pardon?
devynn: we're making a deal. i won't call her fat anymore, and she won't call me her cat.

***

the MEDIA SPECIALIST (read librarian) at my school had to ask me to loan her a copy of Night by Elie Wiesel. Aparently our school library doesn't have any. shock. and her kid needs to read it so he can discuss it in a scholarship application he's doing for college. after i give her my personal copy, she approaches me the next day.

perino: i was hoping i could ask you what you thought the relevance of that book is.
me: (stunned. like hello! and plus - shouldn't your kid figure that out on his own?) well, it's just a very stark tale of one boy's experience in the holocaust. it's important that this generation knows about it.
perino: yes, but what exactly is the relevance?
me: (further stunned) well, it's a huge part of recent history. our kids know a lot about the american civil rights movement, but the holocaust happened just before then. we're talking about horrific events that went unchecked just 60 years ago.
perino: yeah! that's right! i didn't realize it was so recent!

at this point, i had to bow out and act like i had something else of pressing importance to do, like the reshuffling of papers on my desk.

***

after tiesha was lipping off to anrico, convo ended like this. in my classroom.

rico: tiesha, shut the fuck up.
tiesha: you shut up. you ain't my daddy. you didn't put sperm in my mama.
rico: that's a lie, cuz i put it in her booty too.

***

while we were sitting talking about music, one kid starts singing and dancing and asking me if i know the song that goes, "making my way downtown". he's trying to sing that vanessa carlton song about the 1000 miles. i was shocked. not so much that one of my kids knew that song, and not so much that i knew the song he was trying to get me to acknowledge. i was shocked by his dancing.

***

life in atlanta has been terribly busy, but time goes fast. the other day i found two condoms in the parking lot, right next to each other. is it bad that my first reaction wasn't "ew gross" but "some trick got double lucky last night"? there are still animals dying slowly in my roof. and the other day, i turned on the faucet to brush my teeth while my shower water was heating up, and the mighty power of the faucet was enough to completely shut off the shower. that's good news to a person with about 13 pounds of thick, white girl fro hair on her head.

got a haircut today AND my yearly quota of sexual action when Phil, crazy hairdresser extraordinaire, actually brushed the hair off my ass. with his hand. each cheek getting equal butt rubbing attention. while this happened, i just stared awkwardly at the receptionist. wierder thing, phil's wife was cutting hair just one chair over. so i suppose it's innocuous. phil told me the grossest story ever about when he cut his finger on a chainsaw in 92. it was going to cost 25,000 to fix it since he cut down to the bone. but as he had no insurance, he had to heal it himself. which involved CUT THE MAIN NERVE TO HIS FINGER OVER HIS KITCHEN SINK. he said the pain was beyond description, beyond death. i nearly died to hear the tale.

what else... soccer! ha! i predict no good to come of this season, save me making inappropriate jokes with the girls after school. they seem to love it when i talk about soccer balls, so i humor them. i'm still not sure who's going to show up to play the game on saturday, so hopefully we'll get eleven. i have to go buy a few pairs of cleats tomorrow because "my mom can't take me between now and saturday." the now in that sentence refers to any day within the last two weeks. nothing i like more than giving a kid a ride home from practice to find three cars sitting in the driveway.

i was asked to speak at a conference at GSU in a couple weeks - about education. that's a fairly cool thing - extra cash and a good line for my resume and grad apps. granted, the woman who invited me is the wife of an albion prof who lives down here... but heck. let's just call it networking.

black tuesday coming up. not much to say about that. but maybe if i sent myself some flowers at work, my coworkers would stop thinking i'm gay. eh. screw 'em.

bought a ticket to go to michigan a go go land. looking very forward to that. my first vacation on the horizon! and i am definitely counting down. one month exactly. welp, plus a day.

what else... nothing of note.

ciao.

"you've traded steveo for tivo"

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 03:44:29 GMT

so after 8 hours of work, 2 hours of soccer, 1 hour of driving girls home, and 1 hour of tfa meeting, i walked up to Prince of Wales Pub to meet my set up date slash group of friends...

ever walk up to a restaurant and think, "am i about to meet my husband?" and then think "God, i hope not"? then you have to wonder... why do i hope this guy isn't my husband? do i love being single that much? then you realize exactly Why you're hoping that, and that you've known that for a while? then you feel doomed? ah life.

re-reading that, i think it makes it sound like i'm a closet lesbian. but i'm not.

at least blake (NOT gumpy kevin, the actual set up) was cute and fun to talk to. another tfa teacher who looks like edward norton. maybe he's straight and single? even in atlanta, it's a possibility.

but really, i sat down last weekend and wrote out what i wanted my life to be "about" for the next few months/year. reading, writing, growing in knowledge of Jesus, teaching my students, getting into school... not even a hint of coupling on there. and then, i was reading song of songs (massochism manifesto, i think) and three times, this stanza is repeated... "i warn you, daughters of jerusalem. do not wake up love until its time, until you're ready."

so that makes sense. and i just want my life to be about those five things for now.

kind of liberating. kind of sad. but at least it gets me out of brushing my hair for the forseeable future.

i love smith jared!

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 03:53:50 GMT

here is the proof that my friend pierre is the third funniest human on the planet. i haven't talked to him in over a year. he's a tfa pal. so i emailed him to ask if he could come and speak at my learning team meeting so that my first years' can hear a new set of ideas and a new perspective. this is his response.

" DANA,
I love you and am so sorry that I have not been so great of a friend. I would be honored to do this for you, free of charge even. We will reconnect and start again. I need you in my life.

Pierre "

i guess you have to know pierre and his flamboyant self a bit to hear his tone of voice. this is the same guy that once told me his students were heathenoid animals from hell. he also chose to read aloud from a Zane book - a passage about sex toys - as well as use missy eliott lyrics (with the sound of a whirring dildo in the background) during a presentation in our grad class. our prof was a baptist minister's wife... "pierre, i'm going to have to stop you. this is just trash."

i'm so happy to get to see him again. i'm sure he's got some funny stories to tell.

tonight, i went to this training on how to utilize this cool new documentary in my classroom. it's called "african american lives" and it airs on pbs tomorrow. it's really going to be cool - it uses science and other things to trace the heritage of several prominent black americans. the best part of the training was when this one other teacher in the crowd started in about how she sent in her sons dna to be traced. (they can use dna to tell which african country/region you likely came from)

she says "first we tried to send it to national geographic. but i didn't like those results. they told me i wasn't from africa. and i know that's not true. so i sent it to another place."

i guess since 25% of north european caucasians can trace roots back to africa, she figured she had better be from the continent. the whole auditorium chuckled with... no, at her.

i have to confess that i am mad at delta airlines, and i feel less sympathy nwo for their recent bankrupcy problems. they are refusing to let me get two free flights with my miles, meaning i have to buy one ticket on my own. and i jsut don't wan't to.

i just realized how uterly stupid and boring that detail is. i'm going to stop typing now.

"man, m' lee. you the old lady. you almost 30, right?"

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 03:04:03 GMT

so tonight marks a special moment. i just finished writing my 16th letter of complaint to my landlord. whoops - i mean slumlord. here are some excerpts...

"In your phone call, you said that my oven simply needs to be lit every time I use it. I have lived in this apartment since July of 2004, and I am aware of that fact. I know how to light my oven. But as I stated in my letter addressed to you on December 15, 2005, the gas to my oven has been turned off. If I put a lit match to the spot where you normally light the oven, nothing happens. This is because the gas has been turned off. Robbie turned it off on the night of November 30, 2005. Nothing has changed, except that I have been without my oven for almost TWO MONTHS. I expect this to be fixed with the utmost speed. "

"On December 20, I phoned in a request for the removal of an animal that had gotten into the roof of my building. The receptionist who took down my complaint/request said a trapping agency would be contacted. As of this week, I can still hear the animal in the ceiling. This means that either the same animal from December was never removed, or that another animal has also entered the building. In the first case, my request was not taken seriously and the complaint was not followed up on. This would certainly not be the first time that has happened. In the second case, the point of entry for these animals has not been repaired/sealed off.

In either case, there are animals walking above my ceiling, presumably starving to a slow death. I do not look forward to the smell of their decomposing bodies. Maybe their corpses will attract another rat?"

"The lights in both my stairwell and front steps were out for several weeks. I have changed both the light bulbs on many occasions due to the incredible threat to my safety that comes with entering a complete dark stairwell at night. Is there anyway your company can routinely change the bulbs so I do not have to run the risk of falling down the stairs or being accosted in the dark? I would appreciate this small token of care and maintenance."

***

at this point, i'm just hoping to survive the lease.

school has been... a new kind of insane lately.

i HATE HATE HATE being the bad ass of the team. i hate that i'm the teacher synonymous with discipline. it's like, every day, i have to put on this character. i can't just be goofy with the kids or they'll totally go haywire. i'm not quite sure how i can make it through thte semester without losing my mind, but i have a hunch that Jesus will be the answer. anything i ask according to His name and will, i get, right? ok. well. i'm asking for some help here. i know i'll get it, but still. this is going to a trifling semester.

we had a lovely situation in my homeroom the other day. typical stuff. girl gossips about boy. boy tells girl to stop. girl doesn't. girl hits boy. girl and boy fight. boy stomps girls face with his boot. girl's mom throws fit. girl's mom's boyfriend comes to school to fight boy. fights wrong boy. second boy gets throttled a bit by random adult man.

also, about 250,000 dollars of federal money is somehow unaccounted for at my school. missing money? no supplies anywhere in sight for teachers? yeah. that sounds about right.

on a brighter note, tfa hunted me down to write some acheivement plans for their summer institute. some extra cash, and my first ever paid writing gig. i'm down for that.

on another bright note, lesson planning has been fun lately. tomorrow, the kids are disecting "hey mama" by kanye west to identify some parts of speech. lord knows rap lyrics aren't great for diagramming sentences, ie. subject predicate stuff. but parts of speech transcend dialect, so i hope they like it.

rico continues to slide down his slippery slope from lovely, pleasing child to thug life, tough guy man. it's depressing. i have no idea how to support him and try to turn the tide of his life, and he totally resists anything i do to even show love to him. he's a total microcosm for the passive decline into doomed black man that so many of my boys succomb to.

what else... ok - the bachelor in paris? i have some thoughts.

one - i miss paris so much it physically presses on my chest. i always miss albion. i always miss camp. but paris, it's a different kind of longing. i hope i someday feel about a human being, preferably a man, what i feel about the city of paris.

two - do i have to go on tv to meet men? those girls are decent i suppose, but i think i could smoke them on a variety of categories. they could, of course, smoke me on say... willingness to wear a bikini on tv and willingness to make out with a man you've know for about 4 days. but in the end, at least they've had a date in recent past. granted, it may have been with 3 other girls. but that's something.

andrea. thank you for your lovely comment. i treasure you so much. i hope our lives lead us to live in the same state/city/house someday. i can hardly imagine the joy that would come from actually seeing you on a somewhat daily basis. all i have is our awesome lazy summer of quilting and not-working in the burrow.

soccer season is upon us once more. i have a new mantra for the team. "i don't care if we win, lose or even look stupid. i won't be bothered." those lazy girls will not steal my joy - whatever joy is left after every exhausting day in the office. i think this new mantra will actually free me to have fun with the girls again.

ten o'clock. sounds like a good time to watch some church on tv.

cheers.

why i love i tunes

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 23:52:39 GMT

where else are you going to listen to barry manilow one second and keith urban the next, to be followed by a Folksmen chaser? Can you say 'loco man'?

a ha!

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 04:12:07 GMT

well at least i know why i was so pissy and moody last week....

after suffering for a few days with a myriad of symptoms, a normal person would accept things - i'm sick. i need to go to the doctor. i need medication.

nope. not me. i punish myself with a whole week of work - including my birthday, which at school featured me with my head down and actually crying in pain - before accepting the truth. so my birthday was filled with work and a trip to the doctor. turns out, i have snot in my lungs and a fever of 102.6. sweet. sinus infection!

and here's the best part - even with my ginormo insurance that i pay quite handsomely for each month, my prescription cost me a hundred dollars. happy birthday, self. i gave myself the expensive gift of eventual health.

but on the bright side, i got to spend the entire weekend guilt free on the coach, straight up vegging out. it had been a while since i had seen all the crap cable tv has to offer. has anyone seen the flavor flav love reality show? those hoes be crackin' my shiz up. another favorite was some joke called "party party" where i watched two very spoiled girls throw huge, tacky sweet 16 parties for themselves.

but honestly - why did i have to see footage concerning hugh grant and divine brown THREE times this weekend? VH1 - just let it go. it was ten years ago, VH1. just leave him alone already.

my kids take, in my opinion, the most important standardized test of the year on wednesday. it's the one that proves whether or not i taught them how to write essays. i'm hoping for the best. i feel good. i've brought my A game all year and those little cherubs better show off and not show out. i got 99 problems, but a writing test ain't one.

january is going pretty quickly, eh? 2006. man.

Hugh Grant was an english major.

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 16:06:52 GMT

i mean come on. is there any need to continue this international charade? just marry me and make an honest woman out of this pile.

so - denial.

denial that i have 5 months, nay, a year and five months left teaching at my school. denial that my apartment is legitimately substandard, as evidenced by the recent smashing in of car window and near-dead animal waiting to finally starve in my "attic". denial that i am turning 26 in 4 days. serious denial about that.

basically i'm moody and unpleasant to be around. i think i just miss michigan. i gave blood this weekend, so i was able to pass off my moodiness as fatigue to my friends, but they're going to start to notice. we're all having fondue tonight, and hot peter is rumored to be there. but i can't feign to care. what's the point? i am fortune's fool. love pariah til death.

maddie - can you PLEASE copy me your recently downloaded whorehouse hits? my life cannot be labeled complete until i can sing those songs along with dolly in my car. without that cd, my life is just a hard candy new year.

the kids are back from band. they are so cute. they grow up so much in two weeks. i really like them. especially ariel.

ok. outtie.

ten things?

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 13:32:54 GMT

i was tagged? so here are my ten things that make me happy? :)

1. the academic calendar
2. rachael yamagata
3. my christmas tree
4. "a christmas carol" by charles dickens
5. borders. the store, not like when you go to windsor
6. spaghettios
7. nights with no plans
8. feather mattresses and comforters
9. the academic calendar
10. infusium 23 - the leave in i believe in

now to tag 10 more people? do i know 10 people with live journals?

1. miriam lee
2. katy mack
3. jeff johns
4. andrea scobie
5. maddie smith
6. michelle giorlando
7. tim demint
8. amy crandall
9. cassie johnson
10. you, if your name is not listed above

and now it's 8:30. does anyone know a good way to get out of work today? i think i have a good case with this potential carbon monoxide problem i have...

life's a hoot.

I go wit you cause i love you for you not for what's in dem pants

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 00:32:59 GMT

been getting some good work samples lately...

responding to the saying "life is too short to be unhappy"...

"i disagree because life is short but it could be shorter. people need to see how things feel and learn things and being unhappy is part of that. people need to be unhappy to know what it means to be happy."
- Elijah

***

responding to "The word of a man is more durable than all other material" by Arthur Shopenhauer...

"I thnk this quotation is wrong. When people make promises, they don't last long. My Florida teeshirt has lasted longer than any of the promises my friends made to me, and I've only had it for 9 months."
- Laportia

"The word of a trusted person is stronger than Gladwear. Like how they say Gladwear is tough, well he's saying that a person's word is stronger. So if someone was to say "I'll pay you back soon," you should be able to trust what they say."
- Devynn

***

When given a writing prompt of describing an animal that lives inside a piece of technology...

"I got this Bug in my robot. + It's going crazy. it's smokin weed + dope. it's eye's cocked like a pistol. It told me "I'm living here." I said "this is a democractic systmen + if you Don't get out of there it's going to Be some consequences + repacutions. So I got my mom's house shoe + he said "Don't worry i'm moving to the kitchen."
- Tim

***

responding to the quotation "I believe in luck, and I find the harder i work, the more i have of it" by Ben Franklin...

"I think that the sarcasm is very unnessary. However, My sarcasm is funny. I know how to be humorous but Ms. Lee is one of the funniest teacher I've seen in aged and she packs the sarcasm."
- Cedric

***

these aren't work samples, but even better - notes i've intercepted in class...

"Baby girl you know that i love you and that i really want you, to tell me anything, everything that you going through. See i'm telling my friend that whatever is going on please don't worry i'm in yo life. I want you to be able to tell me how you feel. We need to start talking more and baby i'm for real. I wonder if we break up would you give me another chance. I go wit you cause i love you for you not for what's in dem pants."

(it's supposed to be a rap as well as a profession of love.)

"Dear Anthony,

Man what's been going on you still got a girlfriend cuz you know that goes you be tripping you wanna stay with all them girl who like to play game

What happen to me and you, you must didn't want to go with me but i really like but nah - you stuck jocylynn, shay, and all them other lil gurls

i been watching you for a minute observing you. i really really do like you it's just taht i ain't got time to be fighting yo lil hoes.

So my question for you to answer is Do you wanna go with me yes or no. "

would you like to see the best christmas tree in atlanta?

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 04:17:20 GMT

it's right here, chez me.

i love christmas. i love this season of festivity and thoughtfulness. and though it is really commercial and it means so many things to so many people, it's still jesus' birthday and that's cool.

ps

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 23:22:14 GMT

SOMEONE needs to tell my grandparents that Jon Kerry lost already and there's no need to keep defaming him.

gma: that cocktail sauce is a little spicy.
me: yeah, but it's still pretty good.
gma: yeah, but this is a new bottle. it's that hienz kind. i should have known it was no good.

(at the mall)
aj: i like this shirt
gma: (checks the label) 'made in vietnam.' i bet jon kerry owns this company. he's been in bed with the vietnamese for years. he's just so bad.

here are some other pictures from the *race*...

me warming up...
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/djl3262/IMG_0429.jpg

miriam warming up...
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/djl3262/IMG_0428.jpg

me crossing the finish line...
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/djl3262/12ebdcfa.jpg

me with my prize knife, looking like an all american bad girl...
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/djl3262/IMG_0941.jpg

Happy Thanksgiving

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 23:12:02 GMT

some (ok, not so many) of you MAY have several questions concerning my thanksgiving trip to florida. as miriam, aj, and my mom have all flown north, i am ready and willing to answer these questions, and more...

exciting questions like...

"did you have a nice drive south?"
yes. very nice. long, of course, but nice.

"was thanksgiving dinner delicious?"
oh yes. very nice and yummy

"did you buy any legwarmers over the vacation?"
yes, i did. i wore them to a road race as part of a very convincing 80s costume.

"80's costume, you say?"
yes. my brother ran a ten mile race, while my mom, sister and i *ran* the 5k. the original plan was to run these events in atlanta with thousands of other people at different levels of fitness. miriam and i (ok. mostly me) though it would be a good laugh to dress up and just goof off throughout the race. this plan would have been perfect EXCEPT that we ended up running the races in beautiful DeLand, FL, where aparently only serious runners go at 8 am on thanksgiving. And only about 500 runners at that. So as we park the car, we realized this. There just weren't enough cars around to provide us the cover we needed. as it were, we just looked like freaks. this is where the legwarmers come into play. from bottom to top, i had sneakers (only because i couldn't walk three miles in gold, shiny pumps) green socks, black legwarmers, spandex shorts under a uber short denim skirt (yes. skirt), giant purple sweatshirt with shoulder cut out over a fuscia tank top, scrunchie on the wrist, multiple scrunchies in the hair, red lippy, purple eye shadow and eyeliner/mascara in a furious combination. miriam looked only slightly less ridiculous as she refused to wear eye makeup. we registered and pinned on our race numbers. the running was unsatisfying for me, though miriam tore off ahead in a blaze of thunder and left me in the dust. at least i tried to run ultra fast so i could catch up, thus passing a ton of regular, normally dressed runners, only to have them pass me when i decided at about mile one to stop and walk.

"did you win any prizes over the vacation?"
yes. after the race, they had door prize drawings (what door exactly, i dont' know) and i won a buck knife. the best part was ripping through the crowd to claim my winnings. AND immediately after, miriam had to run through that same crowd (which, face it, HATED. US.) to collect Her prize - a garment bag!!!

"did you figure out why you're single?"
yes. according to my grandmother, i (and my sister) am single because we are waiting for prince charming who will never come, as well as the fact that we don't wear perfume and we don't know how to flirt. my grandma did snag my grandpa at the age of 18, so i should be listening. when in frustration i asked her "grandma, how did you ever stand to wait until mom was 25 for her to get married?" she had no real response.

"did your sister say anything memorable to your mom?"
yes. after a brief fight over the front seat of the car, miriam shreaks at my mom (mostly in jest) "you are such a selfish woman! how did you ever spare your milk?!"

all in all, a very great vacation. i don't want to drive home tomorrow, but it can't be helped. at least i have christmas decorations waiting at home to be hung. if you're in the atl on the 10th of december, you are invited to my christmas party. this is going to be the best holiday season ever.

i am trying to insert a photo of me accepting my prize at the race, but i am not sure if it will work.

another day at the office

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 21:57:23 GMT

today was a great day, but not without its moments...

"ms.lee, when you make the outward bound dvd, you should put that song on there. " said rico.
(begins humming chariots of fire. i start laughing.)
"i don't know why, but someting about that song always makes me cry."

***

After a particularly annoying few minutes with chance, i look him square in the eyes and say, in a whispering, menacing and only slightly facitious tone, "one day, chance. one day, you won't be my student any more, and i'll see you on the street, and i'll pop you in your mouth so hard your teeth will hit the cement."

i was joking. i think.

***

i wrote "tix" on the board, short for tickets. unfortunately, my handwriting sux. the x in tix was a little sideways. it looked like i wrote "tit". in a graphic organizer about sensory details. in the category for "things you touch at a movie theater". hilarity insued.

***

more great moments from teaching sensory details...
"what else do you touch at the movie theater?" said me.
"the males touch the females, and the females touch the males," said T'Erica.

"what is something you smell at a movie theather?" said me.
("rear ends," said Ralphael.)
"mustiness," said Chance.
"no chance, i said the theater, not yo' mama's house," said, well... me.

***

i got a new student today. she is Heaven.

not like she's a great student or pleasant to be around.

her name is Heaven. Heaven Wilson.

yup.

***

one of my students, anecia, had an episode today that really reminded me of like... clips from an old movie abuot demon posession/exorcism. she just started screaming and cussing. i'm not sure why.

in my most calm voice, all i cared enough to say was, "stop acting crazy already."

today's special:

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 06:35:31 GMT

a great day in "alpine helen," a city in the north georgia mountains full of alpine cottages, kitchy souvenir shops and rednecks. had two nice german meals - knockwurst and sauerbraten - and a nice long walk through the strip. nothing quite punctuates a fake alpine tourist town like numerous confederate flags drapped from the peaked cabins' cute little patios.

another fun find was the graffiti inside the men's restroom. i have inside informatino about the men's restroom NOT because i actually know a man or anything, but because i was tired of waiting for the ladies and strolled into the men's. back to the point. the following phrases were on the tp dispenser and wall - note, they are recorded here verbatim with no changes to spellings.

"i hate nigers"
"i do to"
"islam = evil"
"kkk"
"boys from the bottom don't play"

now, there's usually a lot of crazy things written in bathrooms. but this was wierd because there were no other comments - nothing about women or clever little word games about poop. it was just ignorant racist comments. double ignorant, to be honest, since not only are these people spreading unjust hate, but they are proudly proclaiming to the world how dumb they are. i mean... nigers? multiple countries in africa? and don't get me started on the 'to.' anyway. just another reminder why i want to get out of the south. is there racism everywhere? of course. is their hateful graffiti everwhere? of course. but there are NOT confederate flags flying everwhere. that much i know.

at least i got to participate in a righteous celine dion sing-a-long on the way home from the mountains. that canuck can sing. anyone who tells you otherwise is a lying liar.

on a lighter note, i'm back in the smoke house. it's ok here. very chilly and i'm afraid to use my gas heater per recent gas leaks and thus by extension, gas suckage by me, causing what i fear is the never ending deluge of brain farts (like constantly typing no for know and what not.) so i bought a little space heater and it's just... well. it's not central heat, that's for dang sure. the place is clean, though i haven't gotten my things back from the cleaner's. i am still living on about 10 pieces of clothing.

ok. to be honest, i kind of like only having that many clothes. it saves me a lot of time in the morning.

i do have milk in the fridge that expired on oct 8. it's actually really cool - it's completely seperated into two parts. i kind of want to leave it there to see what happens. heck, i don't have a roomate? why not. i'll keep you posted.

swims is still at meka's, and he doesn't look so good. a new swims may be in the future - swims 2 i think i'll call him, though i think Peebo, a la Peebo Bryson from 80s fame, is a darn good name for a beta fish.

school? yeah. it's work. i've had such a rotten attitude lately that it hasn't been fun. now that i'm back in my home i think things will improve. however, i did tell a kid to shut their piehole the other day.

7 days of school until thanksgiving. thank you baby jesus. i can't wait to see miriam and aj and me crazy mum in florida. there will be dancing. ace of base doesn't even know what's coming.

oh - and 44 days til christmas! i think this is the year i get a real christmas tree of my own. well... since the smoke house is so small, prolly a christmas bush.

ah yes... the googling of "Dana needs"...

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 02:28:28 GMT

Pronouns have been changed to protect my feminine mystique... some of these are so acurate, it's frightening.

***

Dana needs to test out her new device which measures volcanic activity.
- yeah duh.

Dana needs to leave with the team, the bus driver is injured, and the volcano is ...
- i just like where this is heading.

Dana needs a man!!!
- and i did not insert the explanation marks. it really hurts when the general internet population knows of your singleness.

Dana needs a family that can give her lots of time and attention.
What Dana needs most of all is a highly structured family; ...
- hear that miriam and aj!

Dana needs a lot of help.
- sounds about right.

And nice Dana needs to have three things: (1) a nice receiver, (2) a nice giver,
and (3) a nice object of Dana .
- any interpretations? sounds a bit like engrish

Dana needs a home.
- Now THIS is the truest thing i've ever heard. 5 weeks of homelessness...

Dana needs new headshots and monologues
Dana Needs New Headshots and Voiceover Demos.
- for when i leave education to break into high stakes modeling... for girls with tummies.

Dana needs this man like lifeblood
- sometimes i think, yeah. that's about right.

Dana needs a webcam. (for the weather)
- Suuuuuure. for the weather....

Dana needs to get over herself, and realize that she runs an organization.
- bout right on the getting over myself. but it's hard to get over me. i love me.

dana needs to authorize randy to go to japan.
- not until he completes his paperwork. we just can't skip steps randall.

Dana needs to be the center of attention, be the prettiest, the most fortunate, the most talented, the bestest.
- ouch.

Dana needs this System Software Update
- yes. my AOL IM keeps shutting down. danged rotten apple.

Dana needs to address is weakness in its commercial
vehicle components business, a traditionally strong segment for the company
- but i like the commercial vehicle components... just. as. they. are.

Dana needs a biopsy.
- as if the daily labotomy of my work isn't enough

Dana needs a Splackavellie
- this is true! my old one is just about worn out.

Dana needs a career boost
- grad school? yeah, i'd rather have a career change.

Dana needs to build a good birdhouse or her entire GPA will drop
- i think i remember a moment in 8th grade where life did revolve around a bat house.

Dana needs a lot of help
- :( no i don't!!! ok i do... "make me ask for help... with fire awareness."

Dana needs socialization.
- now this is a damned lie. i need less socialization and more sleep. fewer nights out. more nights in bed. alone in bed, mind you. but stil. restful nights. THIS is what i need.

Dana needs help in organizing the science fair judges.
- they are hard to manage, those pretentious judges.

Dana needs to chill.
- yeah. totally.

Dana needs her hands out front for balance.
- everyday of my life.

Dana needs to steadily improve the accuracy of her own
descriptions of small political starts.
- truly.

Dana needs an issue to make her reputation on.
- yup. i need more issues. i think my life has been one big reputation based on some issue or another.

Dana needs to seek counseling.
- prolly couldn't hurt. and who doesn't want to pay money to have someone listen to you moan?

Dana needs to get to the dentist.
- this is absolutely true. the last time i went was the ghetto dentist... and that was terribly unsuccessful.

Dana needs him at her side
- wow. ok. but who? mmm....

Dana needs to stop stirring things up
- what else would i do with my life then?

Dana needs fashion advice
- i really can't argue here, though i am quite fond of the bohemian/"low maintenance" girl look.

i think the acuracy of most of these negates their humor. i do need to get over myself. and the multiple references to needing a man? is googling trying to tell me something? ouch. and yeah - i am homeless and i hate it.

draco malfoy what's your problem?

that is the BEST musical line ever.

well i'm going back there in january. i'll get one myself.

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 05:18:57 GMT

well...

life? so busy it's making me physically ill

man? jesus. that's it. and he's awesome, but necessarily filling the void when i get sad after a landlord belittles me over the phone.

said landlord? a-hole. hooves for feet. long pointy tail.

apartment? still displaced. four. weeks. later...

job? roller coaster of good and bad. my kids took up a collection of $28.10 to help me with my apartment struggle. that was the sweetest thing to happen ever.

halloween? the von trapps. starring me as liesl. starring me trying to talk to hot peter, then falling to the floor due to damned high heels.

hair? long and wild. matches how i feel about life right now. more bohemian than ever. or at least according to me.

new year's eve? the conditions are ripe for incest... which is a very very inside joke, none only to a few...

armageddon? prolly coming soon. but what will YOU do when you can't find any tampons to purchase?

weddings? not mine, but quite happily cassie's! :) my dance card is very open for the evening... i will be wearing a dress and my hair will be done. fetching...

best picture ever? hanson halloween, provided by andrea scobie. how i love her!

i stared down a skunk in the dead of night

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 12:22:27 GMT

ok. so.

it's tuesday, and i'm still recooping from a weekend of sheer torture. this year, outward bound was not the wonderful experience it was last year. the kids i took were clearly insane, and rather than behaving like 14 year olds, they took to acting like hyper puppies on crack. they were loud, rude, stinky, and crabby just about the whole trip. but i guess so was i.

let's start from the beginning. the bus ride into appalachia was 6 hours. that's a long time to be stuck on a charter bus with 48 hoodrats. finally, someone - the bus driver? - got the idea to put on a movie. great thinking! so in goes a high quality film called "the day after." i encourage you to look it up on imdb. it features jason lombards, steve guttenberg, and the nuclear holocaust. does this sound like a film that would capture the attention of 14 year kids from atl? no it does not. the freakish protrayal of radiation fall out and whatnot didn't seem to merit a passing glance. the movie was craptastic in a sort of disconcerning way. and of course, we're on a bus, so you can't actually hear the dialogue or sound. but the movie reminded me of a defining moment in my childhood, when my family and i happened to watch a similar nuclear war freak you out film starring (at least in my memory) alan thicke and joanna kerns. i remember them throwing their kids into a pyre of bodies wrapped in sheets... anyway. you might also find it funny that the bus ride back, we watched "the day after tomorrow,"
similarly craptastic, though less thought provoking.

as the film ended with the perverbial white letter/black background epilogue warnging against nuclear warfare, we show up at base camp.

the rest of the trip was a blur of chaos, except for fleeting moments of clarity. like once, when it was hella late and those kids just wouldn't shut up, the ever caring ms. lee handled it with aplomb.

me: shut up and go to sleep already.
whiny kids: we hear noises in the woods.
me: i don't care.

the whole weekend left me feeling like an out of control mother of 12 obnoxious illegitimate children.

the night we slept out under our tarps (NOT TENTS mind you), a skunk rolled into camp. before it terrorized the chil'rens, it crawled over to my shiz to sniff it out. so let me paint you a picture. me, sleeping under a tarp (tied to trees for suspension) on my side. hear noise. sounds like footsteps. think, "which one of those kids is out of their bag?" roll over. look out. see skunk. skunk is 18 inches away from my face and approaching. raise my head a little to clarify. yes. it is a skunk. he turns to look at me.

at this point, i realized i was staring down a skunk. now i can stare down a student to within an inch of his/her life, so i bet that skunk was pretty scared. that's when i figured out i should shut my eyes and quick so as not threaten the stinky bastard. so i did, and i waited him out. thankfully nothing held his interest there, so he went on to horrify the girls' tarp. did i get up to go help them out in their moment of fright? (this one's for you, miriam) oh hell no. i let them sit there and be scared and cry a bit. don't think they didn't notice.

"m' lee, you came over here bout 10 times to tell us to be quiet, but you couldn't come over to help us when we were crying?"

"yeah. that sounds about right."

the weekend went on from there in shades of success and failure. we passed some bear hunters on one of our hikes, so that was fairly comforting. we did some rock climbing which further proved to me that i am a bad ass of staggering proportions. my kids braided my hair into four french braids. THAT was the most pain i've ever felt ever. E V E R. the took a picture of the process. i think i might start a myspace thing just so i can show that photo off.

one highlight was one of our leaders for the trip was one mr. nathan hingley - a bona fide british man. handsome, funny, chock full o' british slang. offered me Earl Grey at several opportunities. read me (ok, the kids) dr. seuss every night. but i ask you now - did i form a weekend crush on this man? no. i was not interested in flirting or anything of the sort. i could barely be bother to comb my hair. this is the latest milestone of my continuing insanity.

i am fortune's fool.

i am back in the atl, and happy to be. i moved to a new house, the home of my friends scott and julia. they're like an established couple and have a whole house, so i actually have a room and a bathroom... it's sooooo lovely. my kids made up this rap about me over the weekend. "ms lee, you sometimes quiet like a mouse. you're living in the woods, cuz you don't have a house."

i turned in every last fiber i own to fashion care dry cleaner where an effeminate southern accented man with a wedding ring promised to fix everything. the cleaners are coming friday. i just have to battle the evil slumlord Brian to paint my walls and wash my floor and stuff. i'm going to have to dig deep to confront him because i want to not pay rent for the last three weeks i've been displaced. i think that's only fair? maybe?

ok. it was a good choice to not grade papers for the last hour, but now i have to teach the kids.

and if you're wondering what the best thin to happen to me yesterday, i will tell you it was the hunt and capture of a great pair of dansko clogs, a beautiful grey turtleneck sweater and a green jacket. shopping has morphed in the last few years from a fun activity to a mental/physical drain i avoid, so i feel very accomplished.

please be proud.

this sham of a life

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 02:35:24 GMT

so... in about 15 hours i leave for the mountains... i leave for another round of hoodrat camping. i have no idea how warm or cold or wet or dry it will be... i have apprehensions about the kids i'm taking, as they are kind of crazy... i'm overwhelmed.

it's one day longer this year than it was last year... four days to five.... that's a lot of extra time when you're considering a whole other round of not showering. a whole other day of not bathing. a whole other day of wet wipes instead of fresh flowing water for cleanliness... and while i know we've progressed from teh days of the red tent and total isolation/shame for menstruating women, i don't feel the need to proove my feminine power by strutting through the foliage to deal with my biz. but i have no choice... and you have to pack out what you pack in... so.. yeah.

anyway.

on a brighter note, my insurange guy told me to go ahead and take everything i could to the cleaners. so in a frantic state, i loaded ALL my mobile textiles - clothes, towels, sheets, coats, bathing suits - into garbage bags to take to the cleaners. now, because there aren't that many cleaners that will do fire/smoke damage stuff, i have to go to this one great place on the south end of atl. and the manager that i need to talk to? not in in the afternoons. so! my car, which will sit happily on the street the entire time i'm gone on the Dangerous Minds meets Deliverance adventure, is filled to the brim with all my clothes and what not.

i'm also moving shelters once i get back. i'm moving into julia and scott's house where i will have my own room. this is an upgrade for sure, and i think meka is please too. there's no quicker way to ruin a friendship than to try to share a bed, a wardrobe, and a 700 sq foot one bedroom with them. but luckily, as i'm leaving tomorrow, i got out before things got bad between us. we'll survive this.

i suppose that's about it for now. you know you're busy when you are looking forward to a 6 hour bus ride with 50 over excited adolescent children, simply because it's the first time in about 10 days you've had nothing you be doing instead of what you're doing, unless you were doing something important that you didn't want to be doing anyway... does that make sense?